The Shadows Of Love
by MiKy
Summary: Rachel thought ending things with boyfriend Danny Jones was the best thing to do but when, after one year, a boyfriend and a life in a new town; she isn't sure of this when Danny enters her life again unexpectedly...
1. Chapter 1

A new Fan Fiction for all of you!

Enjoy and review as many as you can...

Don't feel forced to leave positive comments if you don't like the story... I accept critcs!

Luv Miky

Disclaimer: I still don't OWN McFly (they're hard to get!!!)

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-Chapter One-

**-****Prolonging The Inevitable-**

I hear you breathe in the darkness of the room… your fingers slowly running to the clock on the bedside table and I'm still pretending to sleep while you grab your shirt and head out of the room.

It's the same old story… you come back late, I yell, you scream, we go to bed and pretend nothing happened. I can't go on like that anymore, I can't keep pretending that you're just gonna wake up one day and realise I've always been there by your side… through all the times you felt like giving up on everything… I've cleaned your messes and took the blame. I'm not your girlfriend anymore; I'm just an annoying person who keeps asking for attentions in your tired eyes.

Yes, you're tired… I hear that excuse for over 3 moths now. I'm tired too now… I'm tired of keep waking up with a note of apology on your pillow; I'm tired of getting secluded in the house while you go to bars and hook up… because you've cheated so many times that I can't remember now and what did I do? I forgave you even when you didn't deserve for my forgiveness… I kept telling myself that you loved me. But now I understand it's too late for you and I to fix this up… you've gone too far and now you've lost me; there's nothing you can do anymore.

I raise my head from the pillow just to see what you're doing in the kitchen. I see your back searching for something in the medicines area… aspirins probably.

Typical… you're still hung-over and tonight you didn't even wanna tell me where you've been, drinking and messing around with the others.

The light from one of the wide windows embraces you warmly allowing me to see you fully now.

You're just stunningly beautiful as always but… tonight that's not enough to keep me by your side; not tonight.

One year I've waited to gain enough strength to walk away from you; leaving all this mess behind and start the life I always wanted.

I also wanted you darling; you never gave me the chance though. Not one single time.

Now I'm sitting up properly, waiting for your arrival, I'm eating my nails… yeah, that we have in common.

At last you decide to go to bed once again, I know the last thing you're expecting to find is me, woken up and troubled… you know something again is not right.

'Hey babe… did I wake you up?' you ask me, faking a relaxed tone as you climb into bed once again, that same old smirk plastered on your face.

'No… I was already awake.' I reply wearily, still searching for that tiny spark of regret in your eyes, but I know you aren't feeling guilty for what you did.

'Oh…' you breathe closing your eyes once again.

'I'm through…' I finally whisper, my eyes already filling up with tears; those same tears that I spent for you every night.

'What did you say?' You ask, suddenly alarmed.

'You heard me Danny… I'm through! It wasn't enough for you to come home drunk once again… you just don't care about it!' I yelp, drying my tears on the back of my hand.

'This is what's all about then… c'mon Rach, just go to bed; we'll talk about it in the morning.' You moan as you roll from side to side.

'Oh yeah? With the note you're gonna leave on your pillow? I cannot stand it anymore… I cannot stand all the lies and all the cold between us; you know better than me that I'm nothing in your eyes anymore.' I say, my tone relaxing a little but assuming that icy tone that everyone hates… including myself.

'You're just talking nonsense now Rachel… I love you and you know that.' You reply, your eyes still closed; you aren't even trying to stop me from going… you think that this is just another snap of wrath.

'Then I don't love you anymore Danny… it's just too hard!" I cry as I stumble out of bed, in search for my things… I cannot stay here anymore; I need to get out.

'Rachel! Rach…!' you suddenly scream, grabbing my hand and watching me puzzled in the eyes.

'Let it go Danny…' I whisper slowly, pronouncing every word sharply, knowing that would hurt him.

'You can't just leave honey… I need you!' you cry, finally letting your emotions flow… it's just too late though.

'What do I need you for? I'm just a girl walking in your apartment now… we don't talk, we don't cuddle, we don't kiss and we don't even make love anymore! It's going on for too long now…' I snap briskly.

'Can't we even try to make it work? I'll promise I'll be better' you retort, now tears flowing on your cheeks too.

'Danny… you know it breaks my heart leaving you. I loved you so much at first but I realise now we are not meant to be together! You have dreams and goals you wanna pursue, you don't want a girlfriend messing around with this stuff and I wanna have a boyfriend… a guy who cuddles me when I'm sad, who is at home when is our anniversary; who laughs and play with me, who tells me I'm the girl of his dreams. I knew what I was going through with loving you Danny… but I never thought you'd leave me here waiting for you like you did and the truth is that I'm tired. Yes I'm tired of crying at night and to see you with other girls… It's just not worth it Danny.' I finally reply, stroking your cheek tenderly as I watch you gagging the words in your mouth… you know I'm right.

'I realise I haven't been the best boyfriend Rach… but if you'd just grant me one last chance I'm sure I could be all those things for you!' you squeak, taking my hands in yours and looking at me soberly in the eyes once again.

'I'd granted you so many last chances Danny… I hoped and hoped you'd get some sense out of all the fights we had over time but you know that I'm just prolonging the inevitable, you and I are gonna drift apart, if not now then later…' I hiss frustrated… it just wasn't worth the try.

'Is this really the end then? Are we just never gonna see each other again?' you ask me, your head tossing while you sobs.

'I know you're gonna make one girl out there so happy to be with you Danny… you're just wonderful and I love you… but that girl is not in me. It's over between us and you know it better… it's been over for way too much time now.' I say, a pitiful smile peeking on my lips; even if we're breaking up I cannot help myself from feeling attracted to you.

'I love you too…' you finally manage to whisper as you watch me pack my things and head out to the door, going to never return again. This love is simply gone.

As I walk my way to the gate, my umbrella and bags in hand, I see you, running towards me, your curly hair sticking to your face as you watch me stare at you confused… what are you trying to do?

'Danny? What are you trying to do?' I yell, trying to scream over the loud sound of the thunder that was echoing in the sky.

'I won't let go of you without one kiss… one last kiss.' And as you breathe these words you crash your lips against mines into one last desperate kiss… a kiss I surely wouldn't forget that easily.

We brake apart after some seconds, and with one glance I say goodbye to you as I hurry down the path, heading to my cab waiting outside…that was going to be the last time I would have seen you Danny Jones; crying under the rain, whispering my name frantically like a sort of spell… hoping I would come back to you; but I was already gone

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MikyMcFly


	2. Chapter 2

Another Chapter For All Of You Who Read My Story...

Thank you once again for the reviews... :)

Disclaimer: McFly belongs to Universal Records. The story and the characters are purely fictional.

Read And Enjoy!

MikyMcfly

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-Chapter Two-

**-Ghost From The Past-**

I'm pacing in the streets as fast I can, trying to avoid the snowflakes dropping on my bare head… I knew it would have been safer to bring that hat with me; just in case.

Although it's almost January now I wasn't expecting such a furious snowstorm here in Bradford. It hasn't been snowing for almost two years now and just when I decided to leave without any protection on me… it has to snow; it's a rule.

I remember the last time I enjoyed the snow… I was just eighteen when Danny and I first got together.

He was nineteen and just in the bloom of his early fame; he and McFly were starting to build the foundation to be the next biggest pop-band in all England.

I stop at the traffic lights, still these incessant memories of Danny running in my head. He was my first love after all.

I remember it all like it was yesterday… our first talk, our first date. God; back then I thought he was a hero come to rescue me; I was so naïve thinking he would keep all the promises he made me.

Then, sooner or later, we became a couple, holding hands and everything… my friends envied our happiness and his friend too.

I remember the first time backstage at his concerts… I was excited like a little girl; I was the most envied girl.

We started having problems meeting us so often though… you were always on the move and I was stuck here in Bradford. We soon came to an accord… we would have moved in together. It was a kind of big step after all… I was only 19 back then; but I loved him like crazy.

But why am I thinking about all these things? It's been over a year since we last saw each other and I've moved on with my life… I have a job I loved, a beautiful house, many good friends and a boyfriend who loves me.

His name's Jason and he's great; he's everything Danny wasn't but… he isn't Danny and though I still try to forget him he keeps bouncing in my heads every now and then… a ghost from the past that haunts me all day long.

Finally, I come in sight of the coffeehouse where I'm supposed to meet with Jason, by now my make-up is partially gone and my hair are a mess but I don't care… I walk briskly to the front door where I found that old familiar clutter of cups and plates and chats.

I crane my neck, searching for the familiar dark head I know so well when I almost knock Mathias down… a friend of mine and a waiter in the coffeehouse.

'Mathias! Hi! Working on Sundays now?' I ask, putting my gloves back in the purse.

'Money is money my dear friend… can I get you something while I'm here? Today is packed and it could be a couple of minutes before you could get an order out of someone… we're absolutely going crazy back there!' he exclaims, talking quickly with that Scottish accent which I absolutely love.

'Thank you honey but I'm just looking for Jason… is there any chance you've seen him?' I ask, founding rather difficult searching for one single person in that amount of people almost killing each other to get to the counter.

'Oh yeah… right beside the couch honey, on the little table… thought he was waiting for you!' he smiles, before getting back on his feet and bringing those cakes he is holding to the poor customers.

I walk happily to where Mathias pointed out for me but I can see no table there… just a lot of people blocking my way.

I'm about to give up my hopes when I hear Jason's voice somewhere behind the huge line formed to go to the bathroom; it's amazing how people claim to love snow and refuges in little coffeehouses. I'm not a snow fan myself but… I know a few people who actually do that; including Jason.

'Jason?' I cry, failing to make my way through the people who, irritated just keeps telling me to get in line but they don't get I'm just trying to pass THROUGH it.

'Rachel? My God I almost thought you wouldn't have come…' he says, finally appearing at my side with a beamy smile.

'It's just all this people… I can't even find a place to walk in this mess! What happened here?' I ask, almost tripping on somebody's coat.

'It's the snow; when I first came here it was almost empty but now… just look at it! I wanted to leave but I knew your phone wasn't working and we were supposed to meet here so… I've waited.' He says, a little smile on his delicate lips… he's so gorgeous and; manly.

'Oh you're so sweet honey! Let's get out of here though… I'm suffocating!' I state as I squeeze his hand, afraid of losing him again in the crowd.

We finally manage to get out and, for the first time I can see him completely, without any people blocking my view.

He is wearing a long dark coat over some jeans and the sweater I bought him for his birthday. His hair is voluntarily ruffled and his smile is just gorgeous.

'You look great honey' I whisper as I kiss him lightly under the snowflakes… such romantic some may say; but actually is not so much; it's just cold.

'Never as much as you do honey… no wonder you were the sweetheart of England!' he giggles, knowing that nickname just disturbed me… it bring Danny's memories in my head once again.

'Cut it out! And just to straighten this up I was not the sweetheart of England… I was just the girlfriend of a pretty famous guy' I say, my voice lowering at the end of the sentence.

'I still don't know who is this guy anyway… why won't you tell me? We've been together for what now? 7 months?' He starts to say, his mouth curled in what seems an amused smile.

'Oh don't try to play the relationship car with me sir! I won't tell you like I didn't tell anybody else… stop moaning over this stupid thing.' I snapped laughingly as I wrapped my gloved hands around his and giving him a quick, lovingly look… letting him know what he meant to me.

It's true… he means a lot to me; not only he rescued me from my misery after leaving Danny in London and moving back here to Bradford, but he loves me like nobody ever did… in a selfless and gentle way.

'Where's your hat?' he asks me suddenly, noticing I'm still bareheaded under the snow.

'Oh… I think I've left it at home; nobody was forecasting a snowstorm today!' I squeal, trying to defend myself in the best way I can.

'You're amazing honey… but I love you, even without your hat!' he whispers to me kissing me more passionately this time.

His hands on my back while the warmth and deepness of the kiss starts to grow… making me feel little shivers down my spine; then, his hands move down to my butt and then I realise we're still in the streets… for a moment I forget where I was at.

'Jason! We're in the middle of the street!' I hiss, my cheeks reddening even if there is no-one on the streets today.

'Oh c'mon… nobody's watching us.' He breaths in my ear as I giggle pushing him away; he needed to get to work and so was I.

'Jason… we don't have the time and place to do that' I reply pushing him away with a little shove, he just laughs happily… just a happy couple; a thing I rarely experienced.

'You're right, you're right… I need to go now. So what about the dinner at the Martins'?' he asks me, searching for his phone in his pockets.

'Oh… I thought you cancelled that dinner years ago!' I moan, remembering now of not giving him an actual response.

'Why would I? These people are the next big thing after my promotion… if I can work them well I can get anywhere.' He replies, now speaking really soberly, work was a thing not to touch when it came to Jason.

'Where do you wanna go? Aren't you happy now?' I ask then, a little sad smile on my face, even knowing that didn't work with him.

'Of course I'm happy sweetheart I just aim for bigger things… we could get the house we wanted; we could have bigger and better things… for the future.' He whisper, watching me inquisitively, noticing the bemused expression on my face.

'The future? Jason we've been together a little more than half a year... There's time for that.' I say convinced of my thoughts.

'Well… I'm still not gonna cancel the dinner! By honey see you tonight!' he screeches, avoiding my moans of disapprobation… I hate the Martins.

I watch him catch the door with a colleague and, shaking my head, I get on my feet and head to my destination too.

Well… I lied to Jason saying I needed to go to work when I actually was going to my friend's house. Her name is Claire and she's getting married next week… and obviously I'm her maid of honour.

Jason disapproves me skipping work to watch at better candles or centrepieces… but hey; that's a work too!

Lost in my thought, I accidently bump into a guy, walking down the streets.

'Oh I'm so sorry… I really didn't see you… everything's ok there?' I squeak, trying to help the poor guy who is at the point of stumbling to the ground; I really need to pay more attention to the street I'm walking on.

But when he rises his head I can see him clearly… my heart skips a beat for the emotion; it can't be possible.

'Rachel…' you whisper, your heart beating fast too… I can tell it from your eyes.

In this snowy day I found you again Danny; met at this crossroad… god I missed you.

'Oh my god Danny!' I finally breath, bringing my hands to my mouth, too overwhelmed with emotions to say more. That's the way it is around you.

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MikyMcfly


	3. Chapter 3

Finally The Chapter You All Longed For

Danny and Rachel meet again...

Read and Enjoy!

MikyMcfly

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-Chapter Three-

**-Hard To Forget-**

Two hearts beating at once… you just stare into my eyes for what seems a couple of good minutes. You keep your mouth shut while watching me… like me after all. When we were together that was the best way to speak, speak without saying anything at all.

This, however is not the case; this time we need to talk, shout, scream whatever… just talk to me.

'So that's where you've been hiding in the past year…' you finally whisper, I could see your eyes already filling up with tears. Is it supposed to be so damn hard to meet again?

'I haven't been hiding Danny.' I snap dryly; you just don't need to be so harsh with me.

'One year… it's crazy how times fly by. It all seems just yesterday to me.' You say; you just won't let that particular behind… you need once again to make me feel bad for what I did.

'You haven't called me.' I finally blurt out, puzzled myself of the reason why I told it to you.

'I never though you wanted to hear me… after all I did.' you reply, amazing me for your coolness; you're changed. I can see that because you look wearier and experienced… you're the same old Danny though.

'I never stopped loving you Danny… I just couldn't cope with what you put me through. I thought we could be at least friends or something but now it's just too late to patch things up again.' I say, a little note of stiffness in my croaking voice. It's just so damn hard speaking to you again.

'Who is telling you that I want to patch things up again Rachel? You left me heartbroken and alone… you put me through misery for months and months. I don't wanna go through that again.' You answer; repelling the urge of shouting to me in the middle of the street. I can tell you're hurting.

'You're just the same Danny… making a scene when there is no need for one.' I hiss angrily, that's the way you greet me after a year of absence?

'I never asked to bump into you Rachel…' you finally breath as I watch the little cloud exiting from your mouth. It's cold outside but the cold I'm feeling in my heart is way more painful than everything else.

I try to retort something, just blurt some insults or whatever passes through my brain but instead, I turn away and run. Run away from the pain of seeing you again so angry, of seeing you so unenthusiastic to meet me again.

I can't say that I haven't been dreaming for this moment since the day I left you; we would meet up again like old friends and drink a coffee or something… I don't know.

Of all the possible things I could have imagined I never actually believed in this reaction… this angry and resentful reaction.

I look behind my shoulders and I see that you're not behind me… you once again, didn't even try to stop me from running away. Probably you looked forward to hurt me like I did to you.

I can't blame you after all of holding this grudge to me, but after a year, it just seems exaggerate.

So this is where we part forever? This is where we decide to leave all the memories aside and forget all about each other? I'm sorry Danny I can't do this… I need to tell you how I'm feeling.

After a little moment of doubt I decide to run back to where we were talking only to find that you left, along with your footprints in the delicate, white snow.

Anxiously, I get on my feet once again and run… run to where your footprints lead me. Apparently there is no one else beside me and you on the street today.

Then I see you… you're walking slowly, umbrella in your hand. I examine your walk now… it's different from what it used to be. You're… limping.

'Danny!' I cry, pitifully trying to catch your attention… but you don't hear me, or at least you pretend not to hear me.

'Danny?!" I cry again… trying to cover my eyes from the snow storming furiously.

You finally turn around but I can't see you clearly now… you stop and seem to be staring at me.

'I'm sorry ok?! I'm sorry if I treated you bad or hurt you… I never wanted you to be miserable! I'm sorry Danny… I'm so sorry…' I sob, watching him stand still where he stopped; it's all worthless… Danny won't just talk to me.

Just when I started giving up I see your figure walking towards me… what are you trying to do?

Now we're face to face… those unsaid words ringing in our ears as we stab each other with our sharp looks.

Unexpectedly you pull me into a hug, a warm embrace to shelter me from the storm and everything… I missed you so much Danny.

We stay like this for a couple of minutes, holding each other in the middle of that furious snowstorm that seems to blow us away… but we're stronger than it now, aren't we Danny?

You gently play with my hair… I feel your breath on the top of my head; you're still bigger than me. An urgent desire to kiss you possess my brain, and I'm on the way to do it when I remember who I'm trying to kiss… you are Danny for goodness sake; Danny the guy I left.

'I'm sorry too Rach… I never had the real chance to tell you that.' You whisper, sticking your incredible blue eyes in my green ones.

'It's ok…' I breathe, not wanting to part from him; I'm getting drunk on his scent.

'I changed you know? I got some sense since we last saw each other; you woke me up Rach.' You say to me, hoping maybe to do a little more than just hugging… I can see the same glitter of desire in your eyes; but we can't… I can't do this to Jason.

'I've got a boyfriend Danny…' I finally hiss lowering my gaze more, trying not to look at you in the eyes; I know that would give me away.

You say nothing… you just gag like a fish out of water. I know Danny; I know how you are feeling now.

Your grip on me becomes tighter and tighter, you're almost trying to squeeze me now.

'Oh…' he replies after what seems hours, a gaze full of disappointment makes me feel bad.

'But we can be friends right??' I ask; a note of desperate hope in my squeaky words.

'I guess we can…' you reply now a little less enthusiastic.

'In case you're wondering… his name's Jason.' I say, reading your mind.

'I just don't understand Rachel… didn't you say that you loved me still?' you ask, searching for the meaning in the words I previously told you… I guess you mislead my real intentions.

'Loved you… until Jason came along. I know you would like him… he's a great man Danny.' I say, trying to smile a bit, trying to make it sound better than it actually is.

'He's clever enough to hold on to you for what it seems… he must be a clever guy.' You say, not a little note of sarcasm in your words. You became old… not physically but mentally.

'He is… now that I think about it I haven't asked you what you're doing here!' I say, trying to make my words sound as happy as I can.

'Have a show here tomorrow… somewhere in a theatre near here.' you say unenthusiastically; you're not even beaming about performing with your band… the reason of your whole life.

'What happened to you Danny? You seem tired of everything… this isn't the you I've known since we were a couple of teenagers.' I said, a little worried by his behaviour.

'Things change Rachel… if you wanna come to the concert tomorrow you're welcome; I have to go now…' you whisper as you walk away from me once again… leaving me in the middle of the street with this lump in the throat.

I thought I was over you Danny… your memory was just a memory but now; now you've come back into my life again and I really don't know what's gonna happen Danny… I think a little part of me still wants us to be together; even after all you've done to me I cannot let go… so hard to forget.

I guess you had me hypnotised… like in one of the songs you've written. Little did you know that would include me one day.

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MikyMcfly


	4. Chapter 4

-Chapter Four-

**-Torn-**

Millions of screaming girls are pacing in the street tonight… I know where they're headed because that's where I'm going too.

Millions of lies to Jason to explain my absence tonight… fortunately work is always a plausible excuse.

Millions of thoughts and worries running in my already confused mind… to explain why I'm going here tonight, why I'm getting myself nearer to you once again.

Millions of excuses to explain this insane desire of your blue eyes, of your smile, of your steady hands…

Ok, Rachel, you're getting carried away a little bit. You're just my friend and nothing else… it's not worth taking the wrong path once again to wind up hurt and confused.

The reason for all these things is that I'm torn … I'm torn between my sense of preservation and my impulses; my damn impulses that most of the time control my brain.

Tonight is like that; I took the chance and now I have to own up to it… just breathe and look down. That's what I'm gonna do near you.

'What are you doing here?' a girl no older than 16 asks me suddenly while I'm queuing.

'Isn't that obvious?' I ask sniggering bitterly… I'm anything but keen to argue with fanatic teenagers tonight.

'Aren't you a little old to be a fan?' she persist, her friend now scrutinizing me too… oh boy.

'Aren't you a little too annoying?' I ask, ignoring her last comment to continue craning my neck to check if I had to be there for a long time.

Finally, after a half an hour of sarcastic comments between me and that little witch that calls herself 'The next Mrs Judd', I get in the theatre.

I surely wasn't expecting such a big crowd stuffed in that little theatre but now… I have to think twice because in all my life here in Bradford I haven't seen it so packed.

I try to make my way to my seat and I wind up sitting next to a girl near my age… curious.

'Hello! I'm Hilary! Come to see McFly too?' she asks me after a little while, her smile is nice and she seems kind.

'Yeah… I'm a friend of the band; old friend.' I correct myself attempting a smile.

'Oh… really? Who do you know?' she asks me curiously. Why is she so keen to know how I'm related to them?

'I used to be Danny's girlfriend but please don't say anything around…' I hiss, afraid of my secret being spilled to the fans; I already know how fans could be.

'Oh my you're Rachel!' she suddenly screeches, brining the little deplian to her mouth.

'How do you know who I am?' I ask bewildered by everything that was happening.

'I'm Harry's cousin…' she explains now relaxed… that surely is a rare coincidence.

'Really… that's nice?! How come you're not backstage then?' I ask, now more secure around Hilary or whatever her name is.

'I'm here to make him a surprise… I actually am from Chelmsford, in Essex you know? She explains overstepping the fact that I already knew everything about Harry… we had been friends for one year and more after all.

'Yeah I know…' I reply swiftly, then turning my attention to the stage; the lights are now starting to revolve around it.

Hilary must have understood my anxiousness and she is now sitting beside me smilingly… she has no idea of what I'm getting into right this second.

Then, after a long minute of incessant screaming, McFly finally get on the stage… waving and smiling like I remembered they did back in the old days… you are a little quieter now than you used to be.

Looking at all the familiar faces bring memories back in my head… they all changed so much.

For example the last time I've seen Dougie, he was just a shy 19 older who was afraid of even speaking in the microphone, now he seems to be the most excited in the band.

His hair is now a shade of purple brownish… to say the truth I really don't like it now!

Tom is the same one-dimpled guy I met so long time ago only that his hair is a little bit darker and he's a little slimmer… he looks good.

Harry, Harry I think is the one that has made the radical change now. His hair is completely shaved off and a little scar peeks from one side… a bit Harry Potterish.

After doing the same old greetings they start preparing the instruments and they still look as if they haven't noticed me sitting right in front of the crowd… the more you pay the more you have good seats.

'By the way… I heard what you did and in my opinion you made the right choice.' Hilary whispers in my ear at a certain point.

'Then one of us do…' I reply back, a bitter grimace on my face as I turn on the stage once again, to find the guy staring where I'm seated confused.

You look a little bit happier and I can see the others mouth my name… they surely wasn't expecting me of all people to pop out.

'Hello Bradford! We're gonna start with an edgier sound today… this was one of our latest single. Be ready for… Transylvania!' Tom screams in the microphone and soon they're singing… I've missed seeing all of you live.

The show starts off with the right foot in my opinion, seeing the reaction of the girls surrounding me I can't help a little smile peeking on my lips. They've always had really good fans to support their work… but I can't help thinking that's what broke you and I apart… you loved your work more than you loved me and now, seeing you from the crowd, I can explain why.

It must be a shot of adrenaline climbing up on a stage every now and then and sing, trying not mess things up and at the same time… entertain the crowd. It must be a really exhausting job. The life of the pop-star girlfriend wasn't for me in any case… I just wanted a boyfriend back then.

'That was wicked huh?' Hilary says to me after the show has ended.

'Yeah… wicked.' I mumble, still gazing at the empty stage now.

'You know what? I'm going backstage now and… if you want you can come with me; I'm sure the guys won't mind; Harry talked a lot about you…' Hilary says, introducing a new curiosity inside me… did Harry really talk about me? What for?

'Harry talked about me? I didn't know that…' I mumble, lost in my thoughts as I watched Hilary's kind face smiling broadly at me; she looks incredibly alike to Harry now that I notice.

'Yeah… said you were the smartest girl he'd ever met.' She nods, dragging me towards the stage without waiting for my reply.

'Hilary…nice to see you! What you're doing here with the crowd?' asks a big man smiling at the sight of Hilary.

'Thought I make a surprise to my favourite cousin… George, this is a new friend of mine; Rachel.' She whisper pronouncing my name louder… and as she does that George's smile transforms into a surprised expression.

'Rachel… that Rachel?' he hisses, looking at me intensively… what's the problem?

'Sorry… do you know me?' I ask, releasing myself from Hilary; that situation is starting to scare me.

'Who doesn't? Danny is obsessed with you.' George reply giggling mockingly, but shutting up at the sight of Hilary's face.

'Hilary? Do you know…' I start asking, an inquisitive look on my face. Hilary is sweating by now and George looks guiltier than ever.

'Let's step inside.' She squeals, interrupting me and dragging me once again backstage, where a lot of people were messing around with stuff… backstage. That was my place not so long ago; the problem was that you kept me backstage even when we were at home.

After a little walk without talking with Hilary, we see you and the others talking with Fletch, your manager.

Hilary finally realise I need a little time on my own and she nods, almost reading my mind.

'Don't worry… I'll talk to them first.' She says, leaving me behind the corner and going off to greet them.

From my place I can see her hugging everyone, including you Danny, and talk freely… sure she has nothing against you. She's just a cousin.

I wait a little while, the time for her to talk and share things in peace, but by now I'm getting just anxious… prolonging the inevitable like I used to say to you.

Fletch then suddenly turns the corner and almost screams at my sight. He composes himself once again, and then, looking at my pleading request for silence, he turns the corner but not without throwing me a little smile… good now he thinks I'm here to be back with you and maybe get things right on his track again.

I'm not stupid and I immediately understood that your image as the joker of the band, in this last year is starting to grow off you… mostly because you're just grumpy and irritable.

Hilary is now gone and the guys seems to wait for my appearance… Hilary must have spilled off I was here; well… here I go.

'Hey guys…' I whisper as I see them turn around, aghast and confused about my appearance.

'Rachel' Tom whispers looking at you under his massive eyebrows; but you just look at the ground.

'Yep it's me!' I say, a little desperate smile on my lips… oh god I can't stand this.

Fortunately they all decide to get on their feet and hug me, apart from you who are just looking at me in with certain disappointment… god Danny you asked me to come here tonight!

'Rachel! You're stunningly beautiful as always…' Harry says to me, a kind smile on his face… he's just the same old Harry, they are all the same apart from you.

'Oh stop it!' I mutter, my cheeks reddening.

'Danny… what's your problem? Why aren't you greeting her?' Dougie whispers after a little while, watching at you confused.

'It really doesn't matter Dougie…' I try to stop him from saying more… I don't want you to feel more embarrassed than you already are.

'What are you doing here sweetheart?! I haven't seen you since you and Danny broke up!' Tom then squeals, ignoring your freezing looks.

'Well… I live here and yesterday I bumped into Danny and he said I was welcome to come to your show tonight… so here I am!' I say trying to ignore you as much as I can; but it's just so damn hard not glancing at you, checking your reaction every now and then.

'Finally some wise words out of that shit-trap huh Danny?' Dougie sniggers, trying to bring you back to heart.

'No Jason around tonight?' You ask then, a little sarcastic smile on your lips… finally some jokes Danny. I was starting to get worried for your health.

'Jason?' Harry asks, looking at me inquisitively.

'Her boyfriend…' You whisper bitterly, without leaving me the chance to explain.

'Oh Boy…' I hear Tom whisper in the back. He's right… I shouldn't have come here; I'm just fiddling into something I don't fit into anymore…I need to let go of you.


	5. Chapter 5

-Chapter Five-

**-Can You Feel It Too?-**

'Rachel?! What are you doing here on Sunday?' Mary whispers, seeing me fiddle with some cloth samples in the dimmed light on that Sunday morning.

'I could ask you the same question…' I reply wearily, stretching my arms over my head, looking at the clock on the wall… it was starting to get really late but work was my way to escape from reality, from Jason and from you… after yesterday evening I feel like you're trying to avoid me.

'I've absolutely no life and no plans… you on the other hand have more important things to do than kill yourself over this absurd job Janice gave you… I already told you I can do it.' Mary protested, placing the box in her hands on the table, revealing some doughnuts inside.

'It happens that this absurd job could actually make Janice set her mind whether to promote me or not… I cannot screw up this time.' I assume, looking rather proudly at my project standing in front of me… this was my ticket to Janice's partner job.

'You're leaving me here alone then?' Mary says, sitting on the chair and chewing the doughnut she brought slowly.

'I'm sorry sweetheart but I really could some more money and… who knows? The next step might be even to get Janice's place and I could promote you as my partner!' I say, joining Mary on her feast over doughnuts.

'That may be my only chance to get there… Janice hates my guts.' Mary moans, not noticing Janice appearing beside her with an icy look.

'I surely don't love you when, instead of doing your job you're feasting over disgusting, fatty food.' Janice replies, her croaky voice full of indignation.

'Janice…' Mary mumbles leaving hurryingly the room along with her box of doughnuts.

'Strange seeing you here on a Sunday, Rachel.' Janice hisses, fixing her gaze upon my work… at least now she can assume that I was working and not eating doughnuts along with Mary… even if I actually did a little bit.

'Oh… you've worked on the thing I assigned you.' She finally answered, looking rather impressed at my work.

'I wanted this thing done as soon as possible.' I lie, knowing Janice is not buying that pathetic excuse.

'Afraid of facing your boyfriend? Maybe an ex came to town?' Janice says sipping her coffee and shouting something at someone in the next room, to be a Sunday the office is full of people.

'That's why I can't face him! It's like I have this sticker on my forehead saying that! I don't know what to do…' I stammer anxiously; I can't face Jason in these conditions; he would understand.

'Get a grip honey… The special client who asked for you is in the next room.' Janice says, smirking a little only to leave me standing dumb-founded on the spot. That was definitively the best moment.

But, work is work, so I grab all my samples and head to the office, but before I step into the room Janice pointed out for me I peek into it and see a blurry figure of a man sitting on a chair, probably waiting for my arrival.

'I heard he's really famous… and hot!' Mary whispers in my ear, seeing that I was spying on the unknown person.

'I have a boyfriend…' I reply throwing her an unconvinced look. That's right… I had a boyfriend but wasn't stopping me from dreaming about you Danny.

'Yet you found yourself torn between your ex and Jason…' Mary giggles, noticing only later my confused expression.

'How do I know right? Well… girls understand those kinds of things.' Mary answers me squaring her shoulders and disappearing once again.

I take a deep breath, then, deciding not to look directly at the person sitting on the chair I step into the room blurting random words.

'Hello… my name is Rachel and I'm here to assist you. May I explain you the project or do you prefer examine it yourself?' I say, fixing my eyes on the dark table, but sensing the guy presence in front of me.

He says nothing… he keeps staring at me so that I'm slowly freaking out… who the hell is this guy?

But when I decide to raise my gaze, words seem to lack in my mouth and my brain is just bouncing up and down, unable to formulate any thinking… Danny.

'Hi Rach…' you whisper, a little smile on your face.

'I… I… you… what?' I stammer, too surprised to put together a sentence; but I know you aren't looking for that here, in my office.

'I thought Sundays were days to be spent with boyfriends…' you say, your hands stuffed in your jeans while you swing back and forwards, a clear sign of your anxiousness.

'Spare me the sarcasm Danny… I've had enough with all these little allusions to me and Jason. Why can't you just leave me alone if you can't have a civilized relationship with me?' I snap, now my full capacity of arguing restored… I can't be speechless with you for much; it's one of the side effects of being with you.

'I don't know… I guess I can't have enough of you.' You reply; a little giggle at the end of the sentence; it's amazing how you can make sound even the most sober thing stupid with that little giggle of yours.

'You know what? If you came here only to bug me please leave… I have many important things to attend and arguing with you is not on my list…' I say, gathering all the papers in my hands, so that maybe you set up your mind on leaving.

'I made an appointment…' you answer, looking at me intensively.

'That's nice… you took an hour away from me so you can come here and insult me or I don't know! That's just stupid and childish Danny… I have no regrets now of leaving you.' I snap dryly… this situation is just starting to scare me… scare me because every word you pronounce is making me feel a little tingle in my tummy.

'You had regrets?' you ask me, you can't hide that note of surprise in your voice… and now I'm panicking. I shouldn't have said that.

'I really don't have time for this Danny…' I mutter silently tapping my feet on the floor; I can't look at you know, I know what's in your eyes.

'Can't you even stop making all this excuses to yourself? I know you're hiding me something that you don't dare to tell me and I wanna know what it is!' You shout… now your resolution is keeping me scared.

'What am I supposed to tell you Danny?! I didn't ask you to enter my life once again! If you're feeling threatened by Jason…' I start to explain… my voice a little too squeaky to sound completely fine.

'Threatened? Why should I be threatened by a bloke who can't even make you happy?' you giggle bitterly… now you're just making things out of nowhere; now you're getting me angry.

'Who are you Danny to come here, ruin my day and accuse Jason like this when you don't even know him!? I'm tired of your constant bugging and your sulkiness. It's not my fault your career is falling apart!' I yell, tears starting to flow on my cheeks.

'Not your fault? Oh really? Rachel… you are the cause of everything, can't you understand that I'm eating myself alive everyday for letting you go? Can't you tell I want you for me and only? Can't you feel that I love you more than anything in the world?' You state, looking soberly into my eyes… that I wasn't expecting from you Danny.

'I…' I stammer… unable to tell you more, or to shrug you away because the truth is that I'm feeling all those things for you too… only I'm slightly more messed up than you.

'Can you feel it to?' You whisper now… your voice getting softer by the minute and your expression getting deeper with every word you speak… oh Danny what are you doing to me?

'I have to go…' I stammer, starting to leave, I cannot face you for a whole other minute… I just can't.

'Rachel stop! Why won't you just talk to me?' you moan as I face you again, my sobs starting to get uncontrollable.

'Because I cannot do this Danny… I cannot be with you again Danny… once is enough.' I sob as you now get closer… this is not leading anywhere good but I just can't unfix my eyes from you.

'Shhh… Let your heart win once.' You whisper before kissing me on the lips passionately, like you did when we were together and you wanted to be forgiven… and you always were forgiven.

Confusing images of you and Jason mixing in my head as you continue to kiss me… but soon I feel my heart pumping fast and I can tell he's happy to be with you again… he missed you.

I'm not thinking now… the only thing I wanna do is to carry on this indescribable feeling you're giving me, to make it endure even if it's wrong… it feels perfect.

Your fingers are running into my hair and I feel my hands acting for their own accord and found a place on your back… yes… they know you too well Danny.

After what seems hours we brake apart and the only thing running between us are silent words… all the things I wanted to tell you are just fading away now. I need your lips and that's the only thing I want know… no thoughts, no regrets… just you and me; like old times.


	6. Chapter 6

-Chapter Six-

**-Truth Hurts-**

I feel your hands running up and down my bare tights while my common sense keeps screaming in my head to stop, to put an end to this foolishness.

Yet I can't depart from your lips, from the ones I used to miss so much when you were gone, the one I haven't felt in such a long time… you're still a good kisser though.

'This is wrong' I manage to whisper when you start to kiss my neck, your excitement growing at every word I say… this won't stop you from having it your way and sincerely… I don't want you to stop either.

'Just stop thinking for one moment…and enjoy it.' You hiss on my ear flirtatiously.

'Danny please…' I reply feebly, unconvincing even myself of having that tiny sparkle of righteousness in my head. Hell; I missed you… can't I have a little fun every now and then?

Then it hits me… Jason's face smiling gloomily in my head, a little voice inside me screaming at the top of her lungs: 'I didn't mean it.'

But the Jason in my head just turns away while saying: 'You chose to end this… familiar with this situation? You screwed up this time.'

I open my eyes swiftly and with all the power left in my brain I push you away… now you're breathless on the wall; a puzzled look on your face.

'I can't… I can't Danny.' I whisper frantically picking up pieces of clothing from the floor… I still cannot explain how my bra ended on the floor in the first place.

'What's your problem?? I thought you wanted this!' You ask me, your voice cracking a little; you weren't expecting this sudden reaction.

'This is not about what I want and what I don't want! This is about responsibilities and I gave my word of faithfulness to a men I love and I don't want to let him down!' I screech, a determined tone in my voice as I face you with no fears now.

'And your word is shut to hell now, don't you think?' You reply gesticulating hysterically… you just won't let me go, will you?

'I don't know… I'll know when I'll talk to him.' I snap back, picking my shoes from the desk where I left them… I gave up on you just in time; who knows what may have happened if I hadn't stopped?

'Why can't you just admit you want to be with me as much as I do? Why can't you just give me a chance?' You yell, grabbing me by the shoulders, a painful desperate expression painted on your face.

'I thought we already discussed about this one year ago! I have principles unlike you and when I promise something I do my best to keep it!' I answer shoving you away angrily.

'YOU discussed and you didn't even try to listen to my explanation!' You shout just when I'm about to open the door… your belt is untied and your shirt is a mess. You hair is all over the place and I can feel you breathing harder… I'm sorry Danny but this just can't be; you and me is a dream and dreams never come true.

'Did I really need to listen to it? C'mon Danny… let it go.' I sigh leaving the room with my heart heavier and more broken that it was to start with… I can't even understand why I keep messing in this situation.

It seems that I'm longing for complete destruction of what I am… maybe one day I'll be able to leave this all behind; not today though.

Jason is still to be settled.

Truth is a tricky thing when it is against you… I'm standing in front of Jason while we have dinner apparently carelessly… but what's going in my head is a hurricane of confused thoughts.

'How was work honey?' Jason asks me suddenly, making me almost jump on my feet for the surprise.

'Work… work; that's actually a difficult question.' I mutter staring at my plate as he watches me confused; he has no idea of what I'm trying to say.

'How's that? Is there something wrong going on?' He asks me worryingly, his hands now on mines… god it's so difficult to tell the person you love you cheated on him, even if for a simple kiss. Now I really understand how you must have felt telling me that… at least you told me most of it.

'Yes… something wrong happened today Jason; I just can't find the words to tell you…' I stammer as he keeps staring at me oddly… oh god this is going to be harder than I thought.

'Should I be worried?' he asks uneasily, dropping the fork on the plate, now turning his whole attention on me.

'From where I'm standing there is surely nothing to be worried about…' I try to explain, I'm sweating and I can swear Jason is getting more and more suspicious.

'Where am I standing then?' He solicits me, fiddling nervously with his napkin on his laps… he's even more worried than I am.

'Let's start from the beginning… you know that ex I talked you about?' I breath trying to control the nervous twitch in my voice.

'Yeah…' you reply swiftly, ignoring me almost completely; you're just trying to understand what I did. It feels like being scrutinized by a cop.

'Well… he's Danny Jones; the front man of McFly.' I state worriedly looking at his expression turning into anxious into terrified.

'McFly that band who's always on TV? That Danny Jones?' he gags messing with the collar of his shirt.

'Yeah… him.' I nod, looking down as I hear him muttering something to himself, before kicking the chair on the floor and looking at me angrily… he knows.

'Rachel…' he hisses burning me with his look; I'm guilty and I'm burning with shame as he condemn me with his gaze.

'How long has it been going on??' he asks hiding his eyes behind his hands and rubbing his temples, searching for a method to relax while talking to me… I was killing him with this.

'Just today… I'm sorry I didn't want to but I just got swept back into memories and… I don't want to lose you for this stupid mistake Jason!' I cry, a little but of self preservation in my soul left while I go and hug him; but he's stiff and he isn't even trying to pat me or something.

'I can't believe all this time you've lied to me…' he whispers, still refusing to look me into the eyes.

'I haven't been lying Jason!!' I yell a little hurt by all those comment, ok I kissed Danny but it's not like I slept with him!!

'I'm not stupid Rachel… I might have tried to keep going on like nothing happened while we were together but you're in love with this guy…' he says, a softer tone in his voice now… he's getting a little more vulnerable; but I'm not even trying to excuse myself now… because the truth it's in my eyes and I knew he was familiar with this situation going on for too long.

'I swear I'm not anymore… please don't leave me!' I sob desperately.

'I don't wanna leave you honey but I don't know what to do! I can't turn myself into Danny and obviously he's the only one who can make you happy…' he whispers watching at the ceiling while speaking; eye contact sometimes is too much to bare.

'You are making me happy!!! Jason… it's true that I still loved Danny while we first got together and I got over him… I swear that. He just came back here, messing around again and… I promise you I won't get myself into this situation again.' I stammer as I try to explain myself in the best way I can; my green eyes now completely swollen up for the constant crying… I haven't cried this much since you and I were together Danny.

'Can I trust you Rachel? Because if I can't I see no point on seeing each other anymore…' he asks me, he's hugging me now; the tough part is now over. Thank God.

But what can I tell him? Can I really assure him I won't see you again and pursue this feeling growing inside me once again? Because I can deny it Danny, I can cover it and I can lie about it, but as you say, the heart never lies and my heart is telling me that I'm starting to fall for you once again… with all your little games and flaws. But that's why I can't get enough of you.

I watch Jason in the eyes… his deep brown eyes so unlike yours are searching for the words I didn't say yet… He loves me and I can't blow this away for a tiny little sentiment… let's give it another try. I'll be stronger this time… I hope at least to be stronger.

'Promise…' I whisper as I hide my head on his chest; here we go again.

Truth hurts Danny and you know it better than me… the truth is that we are gonna see each other again and… I don't know.

I'll lie to Jason and you'll lie to yourself by saying that one day we may get together once again.

You may have changed but I'm still that fretful and weepy girl who left you behind.


	7. Chapter 7

-Chapter Seven-

**-Don't Leave…-**

It's snowing… again.

Everybody is just ecstatic and with the holidays coming, the cheer is making me feel nauseous.

I glance outside the window I'm standing by it and I see little kids running in the snow with their mothers beside, running worryingly after them.

That's what serenity means… that what it means living without a heavy burned, an unwanted burden on your chest.

You haven't called me or looked for me until that day, almost a week ago now.

It's funny how I claimed of wanting nothing to do with you and I find myself here, longing desperately for your voice. Love is not as easy as everyone pictures it.

Love? Am I in love with you? What does love mean after all?

'Happy Christmas Eve Sweetheart.' Jason whispers in my ear as he hugs me from behind, swinging me tenderly, maybe trying to relax me but it's just upsetting me now.

'I hate holidays.' I pout looking at the street below me once again; I'm just thinking way too much about you at the rate of hoping to see you walking down the streets.

'Why not? What's so bad in holidays? Jason asks me curiously, deciding then to sit opposite me.

'Everything… the unnecessary cheer, all the money spent on futile things, all the pretending to be happy…' I count on my fingers as he watches at me, shaking his head resigned.

'You have some serious problems… first is the snow now it's holidays.' He sights looking at me gloomily. I'm letting him down lately; I've been acting grumpily and snappily all week, worried about nothing in particular… just angry with the world, angry because you haven't called me yet.

'What does love mean Jason?' I ask suddenly remembering of having that thought before.

'What? Are you seriously asking me what love means?' he giggles bitterly, searching for a joke in my eyes; but they are lacking of happiness at the moment. They are just full of that painful anxiousness and curiosity. I need to know if I'm in love with you Danny.

'What's so shocking in that? You don't know it too…' I reply watching him under my eyelashes… he's insecure now.

'I do now what it means! It means two people caring about each other and wanting to spend as much time together!' he mutters uneasily… it's such a random answer and he knows it isn't satisfying me.

'I'm looking it up then…' I mumbled stumbling out of the window sill and heading to take the dictionary in the library.

'God you're strange…' I hear Jason breath as he watches me dusting off the unused dictionary; if we bought it that means that it has some use.

'Love love love love…' I mutter running my finger on the page, searching for that little world scribbled on the page.

'Do we really have to go through this? I mean… c'mon love is LOVE! Everybody knows it!' Jason argues, trying to make me think reasonably… but I'm not reasonable Jason; I'm desperate of something I may never have again; just for my stupid pride.

'LOVE!' I screech pretending to have ignored Jason's comment before.

'Let's get an end to this then…' he whispers as he hugs me tenderly.

'It says love is a deep fondness for someone, a sentiment of deep tenderness or devotion.' I say as I read the words without any change in my monotonous tone…I'm still not sure of that.

'Ok… are you happy now?' he asks me pulling a light sight of relief. He thinks I'm just being foolish.

'Yes…' I lie pressing my lips on his… but I feel nothing once again. What the hell is happening to me?

Then, the phone starts ringing. Jason is just ignoring it but I throw myself on it and answering, my voice cracking with emotion.

'Hello?'

'Hello… Martha's speaking. I called about a great offer for you…' a way too cheery voice answers me. That's just another sign… Danny won't call me.

'Not interested… wait I have someone on the other line.' I reply wearily as she starts to explain me why I need to join the company she's promoting.

I cut her off answering randomly at the other caller, leaving the raving Martha speaking to nobody on the other line.

'Hello?'

'Rachel?? It's Danny…' you reply, waiting for me to say something, but I'm just hanging there with my mouth wide-open; a confused Jason looking at me inquisitively.

'Hold on a sec…' I mutter, my mouth getting dryer as I try to control all the feelings in my stomach… I feel like a schoolgirl excited because her crush just called her.

I was just a schoolgirl after all Danny… and you were my crush; only I didn't want to admit it; I didn't want to get back with you… having a story on the side is fine I guess.

'Martha… sorry I have a very important call I have to take. Call later.' I say shrugging her off and hanging up on her; mouthing 'My boss' at Jason.

Finally in the room alone I decide to answer you again… ok Rach, take a deep breath, you can do this!

'Hey!' I yelp on the phone, trying to cover that evident nervousness in my words.

'Happy Christmas Eve… I'm sorry I know you said you didn't wanna hear from me ever again but I just couldn't leave without wishing you a good Christmas… with Jason.' You add the last part with difficulty, I can almost see your fist twitching when you pronounce Jason's name.

'Leaving?!' I ask, my words gagging in my mouth at that sudden news, you can't leave now.

'Yeah… the gig ended so…' you whisper, surprised yourself of hearing me so interested in your matters. I must be a mystery in your eyes.

'But… I thought…' I mutter puzzled… the guys told me they would have been in town for a month or so… Dougie's girlfriend Jenny also lives here and… they thought about getting a holiday to write some new stuff for the album.

'Yeah… Dougie and the guys are staying here. I have no reason…' he adds, a little sight at the end of the sentence… I need to see him NOW; before he leaves… maybe forever this time.

'Where you at?' I ask, cutting him off and I can sense his amazement… even over the phone.

'The station… but why?' he replies, I can almost hear the announcement of the trains in the background.

'Stand still…' I say, hanging up the phone before Danny could mutter something.

Fortunately I know Bradford very well… and trains for London are nowhere to be seen before half past eight.

What time is now? 6 o clock… I have time.

I start heading to my room hurryingly when I see Jason looking at me more puzzled than ever.

'What's going on???' he asks me… a cup of coffee and a worried smile.

'Kate's got an emergency… have to run.' I breathe, picking up some clothes from the floor and my favourite pumps.

'Kate?? Is it really that important? This is Christmas Eve! I know the word doesn't make you ring any bells… but please, it's important for me!' he moans, following me while I grunt annoyed in front of the mirror, trying to put some decent make-up on me.

'I need to go Jason… promise I'll be back as soon as possible?' I say, putting on my coat and placing a small kiss on the cheek before start to go down the stairs.

I see Jason reflection looking at me while I head out… his smile is gone and he seems a little sad, standing there only with boxers and shirt… I don't need him to be angry at me too.

Tucked in my coat I try to hail a cab… but they seem to be all unavailable just when I need them… typical.

Resigned I look at the time once more… half past six. Time is running up.

I pull my cell from the purse and dial Katy's number… hopefully she could give her a ride.

'Katy here!' a cheery voice greets me on the other line.

'Hi Hun… it's Rachel. Listen… I need a HUUUGE favour!' I cry watching the snowy street in sign of just a little cab… no sign of it however.

'You do realise it's Christmas Eve right?' she asks me, I can sense the sarcasm in her voice… she knows I'm not a holiday kind of person.

'You do realise you're talking with me, right?' I giggle uncomfortably… I need to get to the point.

'Oh yeah… the GRINCH!' she jokes in a bubbly voice.

'I don't have time for this Katy! I need you to get me to the train station… can you do that?!' I lament, knowing jokes with Katy could be dragged for long. She is the sarcastic kind of girl… a thing you and Katy share.

'I have company Rach…' she whispers, but her voice sounds really apologetic; she's feeling bad for it.

'Bring them too, pleeeeeeeease Key Key!! I'll owe you big.' I plead her… knowing she is way too thoughtful to let me down. A card I'm playing.

'Hold on…' I hear her breathe as she tries to cover the device but I can still hear everything.

'Do you mind Jen? I really have to help her out… she seems desperate.'

Hey!!! I'm not desperate!!! Well… now that I think about I do sound a little desperate. Whatever.

'Sure! Let me call Doug…' I hear someone whisper in the back while a clutter of thing banging together helps me understand Katy is now trying to reply me back.

'Ok… so where should I pick you up??' she asks me, ignoring my constant thank you's.

'At the intersection between Silvan drive and Park Lane.' I reply, shutting my phone down and deciding to give you a call… just to be sure you're still in the station.

I wait for you to answer but after the fifth ring I'm losing my hopes. I'm on my way to end the call when I hear your thick accent answering the phone.

'Hello?' you asks on the phone… always suspicious. Well… when you're famous you're allowed to be it.

'Danny it's Rach… you're still in the station?!' I ask quickly.

'Yeah but can you tell me what the hell is going on??? I'm starting to freak out a little…' you cry fast, you know I would have been able to end the call without you saying a word.

'Don't' be…' I snap as I see Katy's car turning round the corner.

Waving her to stop I, once again, hang up on you… you must think I'm going crazy.

I climb into the backseat when I see Katy smiling at me and a strange face checking me out curiously.

'Oh… Jenny this is Rachel; Rach this is Jenny a good friend of mine.' She explains as me and Jenny smile customarily. I'm really not in the good to make friends now.

'Hi! Heard a lot of things about you…' she smiles, trying to start up a conversation and fill the silence gap that was creating.

'Yeah… me too.' I lie; Katy never talked about her but it just seems rude to say the contrary.

'You liar! You know I haven't even talked about her!' Katy interrupts sniggering as she looks at the street carefully.

'Then whose fault is it?!' I exhale in resign… sometimes I have a hard time understanding all of Katy's jokes; some aren't even that funny.

'Don't worry… she hasn't talked about me probably because I'm getting pretty serious with a famous guy and she don't want gossips around me.' She replies as I watch her carefully.

Her hair is long and wavy, a shade of deep brown. Her eyes are hazel and she has a piercing in the nose… I think I've seen her somewhere before.

'Oh… good for you.' I smile as I watch Katy smiling broadly at us and tapping her perfect fingernails which today are a shade of bright orange.

She was always the alternative one; unlike me she seemed stuck in eternal youth with her always bright clothes and her hairdo's… she looked so cheerful.

'Can't you drive faster??!!' I moan looking at her pleadingly… I want to be sure of arriving there on time.

'Chill out girl!! We're getting there…' she sniggers looking at Jenny amused. Great, now they think I'm a sort of psycho.

'What are you going to do at the station anyway?!' she asks me turning left and making me slide from side to side of the backseat.

'Need to see someone.' I snap briefly… I don't want her to know WHO I'm going to see; even if she doesn't know who Danny is.

'Jason?' she asks… god now what am I going to tell her.

'Just a friend…' I snap, climbing off the car as soon as we reach the station.

'Hey Hey! We're coming with you!' Katy says parking in a dangerous spot and reaching me with Jenny. She just seems embarrassed.

'What?' I snap irately, looking at Jenny dropping her gaze to the floor while Katy is watching me a little surprised.

'You call me on Christmas Eve and ask for a favour and you won't even let me see who you're going to see? What's going on Rach? Something I must know about.' She asks me… her brown with blonde highlights hair dancing on her shoulder while she bobs her head.

'If I tell you promise you won't be all judgmental and everything?' I reply, feeling cornered by now.

'Of course…' she replies, making me feel almost bad for thinking she would be it.

'I'm going to see my ex and I'm going to convince him to stay longer…' I retort feebly… trying to avoid the girl's shocked looks. Even Jenny is staring at me now with eyes wider than ever.

'Oh Boy…' Jenny whispers shaking her head while Katy looks at me oddly… she has a weird smirk on her face.

'Well done Rach… you're becoming bitchy! I like that…!' she exclaims patting me on the shoulder and dragging a more shocked than ever Jenny along with her.

Sure Katy knows how to be weird at times.

I just feel sorry for that Jenny girl… she must think I'm a freak.

As I hurry down the station, in search for Danny, I think about Jason… yes, strange, but I'm thinking about him for a change.

I'm thinking of how I'm letting him down for doing this but I need you to stay Danny… at every cost.

Finally I see you, you're sitting on a bench beside a little granny with a cat on her lap.

She's talking eagerly while stroking the cat that seems to be hissing at you.

You hate cats.

I ran to where you are and when you see me your jaw drop and you're able to mutter: 'What the hell?'

'Don't leave… don't leave because of me.' I whisper, stroking your jacket and kissing you passionately on the lips. This may do the job here.


	8. Chapter 8

-Chapter Eight-

**-Dead End-**

'What does this exactly means Rach?!' you whisper, breaking apart a little from my tight grip, only to look at me puzzled.

'I need you...' I reply, looking at your shoes, but I know that's not enough for keeping you here.

'I need you? Tell me this is all a joke; a mean and naïve joke. I won't mind it.' You giggle awkwardly, trying to find a reason in all that I'm doing to you… but the truth is that I'm a messed up person. A messed up person who doesn't want you to leave.

'I wish I could say that is all a joke Danny but it isn't… I may love you.' I mutter, finally letting your eyes penetrate me like a sharp knife. You look sceptic.

'Rachel… you are the most incoherent girl I've ever known. First you love me, then you hate me and refuse to have anything to do with me… and now you're loving me again? This is simple… madness! This is crazy Rachel and I think you know it if all of the words you're telling me are true.' You state, looking rather serious. You are trying to not be fooled by me once again; but you're just so predictable Danny… I have you wrapped around my finger and everyone knows it. I can do whatever I want with you.

'It's crazy… it's crazy how I'm cheating on Jason, it's crazy how you sweep me off my feet everytime you talk to me… it's crazy Danny and it won't lead us anywhere. I know that… I just can't stop this feeling… I can't stop needing you.'

'So you are practically saying that IF we keep seeing each other; it's gonna be just a dead end relationship? Am I to have no future with you?' You ask me, you're grinning even for thinking about that… but it's true.

'Pretty much…' I square my shoulders and bite a nail while I watch you think over everything.

'I don't know Rach… it's just too weird. I can't be with you knowing that we're going nowhere… it's simply a thing only fools do.' You finally admit, nodding as you say it, maybe trying to convince yourself that this is the best choice.

'Fools… who says we're not fools? Danny I love you… I actually believe that I do but I just can't be with you in that way… it's too much to cope with now. You know better than me that once you'll be sure of US you'll just ease with the situation and we'll be back to square one. Before you showed up everything was fine! I loved Jason and I was actually happy for a change… I'm not ready to throw all that I have for Jason for a thing I'm not sure about.' I cry, my words are not convincing you… I can understand that there aren't many chances to keep you here with these conditions.

'I'm not a fool Rachel and you don't even know how much I love you… I'd die to be with you but… as it is now… it's just senseless. Jason will find out about us and you'll lose everything once again. You won't stay with me so I'm basically a secret boyfriend? I know what it means hid from people… I never thought I'd hide from you.' You murmur… you're looking at me crying and I can feel your heart breaking… I can actually listen to the sound of it.

'So you're gonna catch that train and head up to London?!" I whisper stroking his curly hair. I cannot bare the thought of losing him once again.

'No… I'll stay here and cope with this mad story; hoping you to open your eyes. You don't deserve it Rachel… know that; but I can't part from you. You know you have me wrapped around your finger.' He finally declares… shocking me immensely.

'I always thought it was you the reason we broke up Danny. I've been so blind because now I can see how stubborn and selfish I actually am… asking you to do this is as you say crazy and I know I wouldn't have done it… you're a better person than you think you are Danny.' I murmur looking at him smile bitterly at me. This is another beginning; a twisted and messed up story. But when wasn't it? Danny and Rachel are just like this… messed up and twisted; but in love.

'I'm not… I'm helping you cheat your boyfriend. I may be the reason for his future sadness… and I know because I've been on the other side too.' You whisper, looking at the distant clouds in the sky.

'I'm sorry…' I manage to mutter as I wrap my arms around his waist. He is just wonderful and I don't deserve him.

'I know…' he breathes, stroking my hair tenderly. He just loves me so much and I'm messing around with everybody. I'm the bad guy in this story.

'So… Danny and Rachel once again?!' I ask, rising my head a little to watch him in the eyes. I can feel a great sadness growing in him… this will lead somewhere not nice. I can predict that.

'No… we're not Rachel and Danny anymore… we're just two strangers in love with each other but to blind to do the best thing. We're both walking towards the wrong path but… I actually prefer walking there with you by my side than doing the best thing having the certainty of not having the feelings I have when with you.' He state bitterly. We're starting something that will lead us to certain self-destruction… and the sad thing is that we know it.

We're heading to a dead-end. We're gonna be broken again.

These are the shadows of love… these are what leads human-kind in a weird, dark, and crazy tunnel… and we might forget how love shines so bright at times; just because we're afraid… we're afraid of owning to what we did; all we did.


	9. Chapter 9

Hey Guys!!!

A little chapter for all of you!!! Enjoy and review!!!

Disclaimer: I do not own McFly or blaah blah blaaaaaaaaaah

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-Chapter Nine-

**-Sulky Little Girl-**

_Its like you're a drug _

_it's like you're a demon I can't face down_

_It's like I'm stuck_

_It's like I'm running from you all the time_

_And I know I let you have all the power_

_It's like the only company I seek_

_It's misery all around_

_It's like you're a leech, sucking the life from me_

_It's like I can't breathe_

_Without you inside of me_

_And I know I let you have all the power_

_And I realise I'm never gonna quit you over time_

_It's like I can't breathe_

_It's like I can't see anything_

_Nothing but you_

_I'm addicted to you_

_It's like I can't think _

_Without you interrupting me_

_In my thoughts_

_In my dreams_

_You've taken over me_

_It's like I'm not… It's like I'm not me_

_It's like I'm lost_

_It's like I'm giving up slowly_

_It's like you're a ghost haunting me_

_Leave me alone!_

_And I know these voices in my head_

_Are mine alone_

_And I know I'll never change my ways_

_If I don't give you up now_

_It's like I can't breathe_

_It's like I can't see anything_

_Nothing but you_

_I'm addicted to you_

_It's like I can't think _

_Without you interrupting me_

_In my thoughts_

_In my dreams_

_You've taken over me_

_It's like I'm not me… It's like I'm not me_

_I'm hooked on you_

_I need a fix_

_I can't take it_

_Just one more hit_

_I promise I can deal with it_

_I'll handle it_

_Quit it_

_Just one more time_

_Than that's it_

_Just a little bit more to get me through this_

_It's like I can't breathe_

_It's like I can't see anything_

_Nothing but you_

_I'm addicted to you_

_It's like I can't think _

_Without you interrupting me_

_In my thoughts_

_In my dreams_

_You've taken over me_

_It's like I'm not… It's like I'm not me_

_Addicted --- Kelly Clarkson_

This is our song Danny… a little gloomy ain't it?

But it's exactly like this; this relationship of ours is exactly like the one in the song.

Twisted, wrong, suffocating, possessing us and scaring us sometimes… but we're drug to each other and it's known that drugs are hard to give up.

It's been only two days now Danny but I feel like I'm going crazy over here… with Jason and everything.

I just don't love him anymore but I don't want to tell him now… I can't tell him; I'll break his heart and I can't have more broken hearts weighing on my conscience.

I'm becoming weird around everyone else who's not you… I'm dying when we part. I know you're suffering from this situation… I can't find the reason though.

My heart is slowly dividing in two parts and I don't which one to follow… they're both vital to me.

I'm on my way to see you now; I'm heading towards your hotel and I know the same story will repeat itself over again… like a broken record which we both like to listen for the hundredth time.

I know you'll see me and you'll smile and ask me what I decided to do.

I'll shrug the question away with some customary words like "I'm getting to it." Or "Don't worry I know the right time will come for us."

Who am I fooling? I'm not getting anywhere… I'm just drowning deeper and deeper and then Danny; nobody will be able to save me anymore. You'll all have to leave me to my destiny which I think I deserve… I'm a terrible terrible woman.

'Hello Miss; can I help you with anything?' a kind man asks me while I step into the luxurious hotel… sure the guys like to treat themselves nicely.

'I just came to see somebody.' I reply, puzzling myself at the sight of his sudden frown.

'I'm afraid I can't let you in then.' He states, looking directly beyond me; like I'm just invisible.

'What's the problem?' I ask, my voice a little squeaky.

'You have to book a room to stay in the hotel.' He declares, keeping his firm tone. He's trained to this kind of things; stupid lobby men.

'That's just crazy! No other hotel does this!' I exclaim appalled by the insane rule.

'Sorry Miss… these are the rules.' He repeats, smirking resigned at me.

'I need to get in here! You don't understand…' I cry tapping my feet angrily on the marble steps.

'Don't force me to call security Miss…' he sights shooing me with a tired wave of his hand, wrapped in a silk white glove.

I shake my head resignedly and I'm walking away when I bump into someone, so my purse falls out of my hands.

'Shit!' I mutter, kneeling on the ground to pick up the various things falling from it… including some tampons. Very embarrassing.

'Oh I'm so sorry!' I hear a girl squeaking and soon her hands are picking up things from the floor too.

I slowly raise my gaze to meet some familiar hazel eyes… I know I've seen her before.

She seems to think alike because, after some seconds, she gasps.

'Aren't you Katy's friend? The one that needed to go to the train station?' she asks me, looking at me brightly when I nod.

'Yep… Jenny right?' I reply smiling politely. She already thinks I'm a freak. I don't want to give more credit to that opinion.

'Right… what are you doing here? Are you staying here?' she asks curiously, her long brown hair sweeping in the cold breeze.

'I actually came here to see someone but…' I start to explain but I quickly am interrupted by Jenny who says, nodding resignedly: 'The lobby man wouldn't let you in… I know. I have to book a room only to see my boyfriend! It's a stupid rule.'

'Oh yeah! The famous guy, right!?' I ask placing my bag safely on my shoulder.

'Hey… do you need to get in? I can let you in!' she says, eagerly ushering me once again to the entrance, where the lobby man starts looking at me irately.

'I think I told you not to…' he starts growling but Jenny interrupts him with her hand and says: 'She's with me Frank…'.

And, not without a scolding look from Frank, we finally get in.

'So… can I know who is this famous boyfriend or are you still set on that 'privacy' thing?' I ask Jenny while we walk our way to the reception.

She smiles and I can't help but noticing how graceful and poised person she is.

She is wearing an elegant dress under a stylish Gucci coat. Her appearance is graceful but I can't help but notice she has an evident hole in her nose… probably pierced.

'I'm sorry Rachel, I just don't know you that much to tell you these things… the manager of my boyfriend's band is pretty controlling when it comes to girlfriends.' She sights, I can tell she's actually pretty bothered by all that secrecy… I totally understand how she's feeling. I went through the same thing with you Danny.

'Oh don't apologize! I shouldn't just ask questions like this… it was my fault.' I stammer, looking at her amused expression.

'I really have to go now Rachel… it was nice seeing you again.' She states, stepping into the elevator and waving me goodbye just when the doors close.

I loom around… Danny said he'd be in his room but I first need to ask the receptionist.

'Hello! Can I help you with anything?!' A young girl asks me as soon as I appear in front of her. A smile stretched on her face. Those smiles tend to freak me out.

'Oh yeah… I was told to ask you where Danny Jones is staying.' I say as I look her controlling her desire to laugh… typical of receptionists.

'I think I'm not allowed to pass out these kinds of informations.' She replies giggling behind her hand which she's keeping ahead her mouth.

'Thought you said that. Uhmm let me think… was there a password, or something?' I ask tapping my forehead in search for the password Danny gave me the last time we met. It was something to do with food.

'Yes…' she replies with a questioning tone in her voice. She is now wondering if I'm actually meant to know the information I asked.

'Ehmm… is it Grape Juice?' I ask hopefully, but the answer is written all over the receptionist's face… this is the right answer.

Her mouth twitches a little and, without muttering a single word, she grabs the phone and starts dialling a number. I can't help but beam… I love being right.

'Hello… I'm calling from the reception to inform you a person asked for you… she has the password.' She murmurs on the phone, trying to avoid my radiant expression.

She waits a little and then she nods and whispers always feebly: 'Yes… it's a she.'

She is probably listening to what Danny is saying and then she covers the receiver with one hand and with a forced smile she asks me: 'May I know your name Miss?'

'Rachel Knight.' I whisper as she repeats the name to Danny.

I wait a little and then I wait her to hang up the phone… a bitter smile spreading on her face. She actually has emotions too then.

'Mr Jones will wait for you in the bar on your right.' She informs me pointing out the bar not far from me and then disappearing somewhere behind a door.

I sight and face the bar ahead of me. It's clearly packed with wannabe's and minor stars from soap-opera television.

I crane my neck in search of some face I know but there is no-one. Just strange people looking at me interested.

I then decide to order something to drink… maybe alcohol will free my mind for just one minute… I really need that minute alone with my thoughts.

'One martini please.' I order to the barman and when he turns around to gather all the ingredients to make my martini… that's when I see her.

She's sitting with a cigarette in her hand, a drink in another one. Even with the new hair she's got I recognize her immediately.

Her fiery red lips are starching in what seems a hilarious laugh while she sits with three or four boys around her.

What the hell is she doing here in Bradford… and of all the places she could be why here?

Still dazed I get up and with my martini, I walk towards her seat; with this lump blocking my throat I walk up to my sister after years of absence.

'Hi Hannah-Lou.' I whisper behind her back… she'll know it's me. Nobody else calls her like that; not even my mum.

She slowly turns around and freezes when she meets my gaze. Many unsaid things are running between us now… many things we wanted to tell each other but never really did.

'Rachel…' she grins bitterly, sipping the last drops of her drink and motioning the guys to leave; who, groaning and dragging their feet on the ground, get on with the drinking.

'I thought you hated Bradford… you ran away from home when you were 15 after all.' I whisper looking at her angrily… she's the reason for my mother depression; she ruined my mother's life.

'I hate it still…' she replies standing up from the bar-stool she was previously sitting on, allowing me now to see her fully.

'Yet you're here…' I reply looking at her crossly. She had no right coming back here after all these years.

'I know you hate me Rachel, I know it because you think I left with no reason, making poor little mama unhappy. It's not what it seems Rach…' she starts to explain but I won't even bother listening to her. She's just a pretentious 17 year old girl.

'I don't care Hannah… you were my sister. I never thought you'd do that. But, I guessed you turned into a slut since we last saw each other.' I pout, challenging her with the only army I have in my possess… making her feel ashamed.

'A slut? Who do you think you are? You have no right of coming here and insult me!' she hisses angrily.

'I don't know… look at yourself and then tell me. It's not like you're heading to church!' I retort, placing a big slap on her cheek.

She holds her cheek where I hit her with one hand, and without saying nothing at all she turns away from me… I can see the tears of humiliation running down her cheeks.

'It seems like I'm the behaved one here…' she whispers feebly. She's hurt and I'm feeling kinda bad for it… I didn't wanna hurt her like that after all.

'What are you doing here Han?' I ask her pleadingly.

'I sensed that I had to come back… I don't if it's for you or for something else. I just wished you didn't hold a grudge against me… guess I'm a fool by thinking that way.' She replies, laughing bitterly and playing with a short lock of her brown hair.

'What did you do to your hair? They were so beautiful…' I whisper, cooling myself down; she's after all my sister and I think I should give her a chance to explain everything… maybe not now, maybe some other time.

'I know… a foolish thing! I'm getting extensions soon.' She declares smiling a little.

'You're still a dwarf!' I joke laughing a little then checking her if she's joining me… and she is.

'Hey!!! You're no Michael Jackson either!' she retorts patting me on the shoulder… oh if it was only that easy to patch things up again.

'Can we get coffee sometimes? I'd love to hear what you've been up to.' I whisper.

'Sure… you're not gonna slap me again aren't you?'

'I'll try not to!' I giggle watching her bite her lips… she hasn't changed much though.

'Hey… I forgot! How's it going with Danny?!' she asks me first cheerfully but then frowning at my expression.

'Haven't you read any newspapers?!' I ask rising my eyebrow… it's impossible that she hasn't heard of the whole big story the papers wrote when we broke up.

'Nope… I mean not those tacky girls magazines.' She retorts shaking her head in denial.

'Then we'll talk about it over coffee… say 8:00 tomorrow night at Max's?' I say, looking at my watch but Danny is nowhere to be seen.

'Love that… gotta go now! Bye!' and she says goodbye while bouncing out the doors of the hotel… she is the same weirdo I've knew all along.

I'm starting to get really anxious when I see something that makes my jaw drops… Dougie and Jenny holding hands and heading to the restaurant.

'Dougie? Jenny?' I screech as the both turn around and look at me shocked.

'Rachel?!' the both hiss at the same time, then, turning their attentions off me they screech to each other: 'You know her?!?'

Ok… this is getting awkward.

Dougie however is the first to talk: 'Yep… she's Danny non-official girlfriend. How do you know her?'

'She's Katy's friend… I once drove her to the train station because she wanted to convince an ex to stay… Oh my GOD! You were trying to stop Danny from going!' she squeals, now her voice getting all pitchy and squeaky.

'Yep… that's me. The most troubled girl in the world.' I giggle bitterly watching the two of them exchange looks at each other.

'What are you doing here Rach?' Dougie then asks looking at me severely… he doesn't approve how I'm fooling Danny around. Nobody approves and I completely understand why.

'What do you think?' I reply, throwing my hands in the air.

'Rachel… please why won't you just let him get over you?!' he asks pleadingly, Jenny at his side is now starting to get nervous.

'Honey… we're kinda late. Can we just go?' she asks clinging to his arm like those whiny girlfriends… I've never been such thing; maybe because I hadn't had the chance to do that.

'Ok… but Rach…' he starts going but turns his head but he can't finish the sentence because Jenny is dragging him along with her… she has a funny look on her face.

Well… now the problem is to find out where's Danny.

'Searching for something Rachel… or better someone?' a deep voice I immediately recognize as Danny's whispers in my ear.

I turn around to face him but my expression isn't as happy as I hoped it would be… it's just a definitive frown by now.

'Something wrong?' he asks me trying to be polite but I can sense my unhappiness is upsetting him… after all he may be thinking I'm just always unhappy.

'Not the best day…' I reply rubbing my temples and hoping he would do something, I don't know… hug me?

But instead he just keeps swinging his head back and forth and when he decides to speak his words seems forced.

'I think we better call it off tonight.'

'No… why? What's the problem?' I ask worried.

'You… you are just a sulky little girl and I really can't handle it anymore Rachel… come back when you wipe that frown upon your face.

It's not bad enough that we're having this adultery relationship… you always seem unhappy of something! Call me…' he pouts, shutting the doors of the elevator in my face.

He's right after all… I'm just a sulky little girl. I can't help it. GOD!


	10. Chapter 10

_**Heyyy I realised it has been ages since I last posted a chapter here**_

_**so thought I'd make it up with you all with this little tiny chapter... but don't worry... a new and exciting one is on the way!!! Now sit back, grab a box of tissues and... enjoy! hihi**_

_**LUV MikY

* * *

**_

-Something Worth Knowing- 

"_Hey sis…" I hear a faint voice calling me from behind. When I turn around I find Hannah looking at me with a little smirk who honestly doesn't let me think she's coming here to call it truce._

"_Hannah… long time no see… please take a seat." I say, trying to smile back, smile at that little bloody, selfish… ok… I need to calm down a little._

"_I actually am afraid for my health… you see… you haven't been greeting me with great joy after all." She whispers, fiddling with a microscopic purse clenched in her long, dark blue nails._

"_Do you blame me? You know how mum hated the thought of you leaving somewhere… imagine how she felt when you left. Period." I screech with a little sarcastic laugh. Farewell to the coolness I promised I would keep in her presence._

"_It isn't how it looks like Rach…" she cries silently; she is definitively nervous. To be honest I was expecting her to be… feistier, more arrogant. I really don't know her anymore I guess._

"_It isn't… right… so how is it? You haven't exactly dropped any clues around here." I reply, looking at her _

"_I ran away because I wanted to become a rockstar… I know I know you'll say I'm foolish but it was my dream Rach!" she says, frowning at my shocked expression._

"_Rockstar??? Of all the things you could have done you decided to become a rockstar?? You aren't even good with singing!" I exclaim looking at her expression questioningly._

"_I was 15 Rach! I thought you didn't have to be good to become one… the looks was what was all about." She explains, dropping her greenish-blue eyes on the floor._

"_You could have asked me for help then! You could have asked Danny! He was in the business!!!" I cry, not understanding the reason of all the secrecy. She knew I loved her._

"_I eventually asked him for help…" she replies, her awkwardness is clear in the way she talks, in the way she looks at me pleadingly, almost to forgive herself for the things she's going to tell me._

"_What?" I ask, a lump blocking my throat…I can't breathe… I somehow predict what she's going to tell me; and I won't like it._

"_It was maybe some months after you broke up… I was trying to break into the business and we eventually met. He was devastated Rachel… you must have hurt him greatly." She whispers, searching for some little pieces of the story in my version of the facts. What is to be told anyway? I hurt him… I do know that._

"_Danny didn't tell me anything…" I hiss, searching for the reasons in my head. Danny didn't even mention her._

"_Well… you broke up I think it's rather obvious." She says, allowing herself to relax a little._

"_Shut up! You don't know a thing about me and Danny!" I shout, knocking a little salt shaker out of the table for the wrath possessing my body._

"_I actually know Danny better than you think…" she says, obviously hurt by my words and with these words trying to do so with me._

"_What are you talking about?" I hiss, looking her appalled._

"_You know what… let's forget that. I knew you wouldn't be too happy about it." She whimpers, tragically waving her hands in the air, trying to deviate the conversation somewhere else… somewhere less painful to bear._

"_Hannah… stop saying bullshit and tell me what the hell you've been doing with Danny." I shout, making some heads turn around. I recon I've been shouting. Just a little._

"_We're kinda having a relationship… he's helped me a lot breaking into the business and he's just amazing… I think I might love him Rach." She says, my eyes filling up with tears while she speaks._

_You hooked up with my sister… with my little sister you know I never called or seen after the day she ran away._

_Were you aiming to hurt me? Well… Danny… you did better. You broke my heart._

"_I need to go." I hiss, my words are barely perceptible while I stumble out of my chair, tears filling my eyes._

"_What's the matter? Is this for Danny??" Hannah screeches, trying someway to stop me. It's weird but I don't even care about her this minute… she's just worrying I may disapprove her "relationship" with you for a stupid ex girlfriend grudge._

_She doesn't know about all the sneaking around… she doesn't know I'm cheating on my current boyfriend with you. She simply doesn't know that you're cheating too Danny._

_We aren't really different._

"_Stop… don't follow me Hannah… I can't… I'm sorry…" I cry, unable to hold back the tears when I face the chilly breeze outside._

_Hannah is still standing there, her eyes wandering puzzled in the café, her hair falling on her eyes… she's so young. Too young. She has the exact same age when I hook up with you Danny. _

_I really don't know what to say anymore… I'm disappointed. I was relying on you to be better than I am. _

_You are no better. You are the exact same Danny I left._


	11. Chapter 11

_-Chapter Eleven-_

_-All The Feelings So Well Hidden-_

"_Where have you been?" a voice greets me as soon as I step into the lightly dimmed living room. A furious Jason waiting on the couch. Weird, weird picture. _

"_I've been to the café." I reply, putting my bag silently on the table beside the door… the one we use to keep the bills on._

_That's the problem with Jason; he's way too perfect in everything he does. He's faithful, committed to his job and relationship, he knows how to cook, he's a perfect gentlemen, never says the wrong words in wrong contests. _

_He's always impeccable and loves sports and good music. He's everything I always wanted in a man; the man I wanted you to be Danny when we were back together… I mean when we were an official couple._

_But now… I realize I wanted you; from the very beginning. I wanted you with your mistakes and your ways of always be forgiven._

_The way you smiled after you did something bad; the way you touched me like I was the most worthy thing in your life… more than fame, money and material things._

_You made me feel like I actually had a reason to be there with you. To help you be better. For yourself, for me._

_I only now realize how selfish I've been Danny… with my constant whining; my battles to make you understand you were not who I wanted you to be. You must have felt terrible. I would have hated myself if I were in you. I've been terrible Danny… but I can always be better. _

_You've stuck through it all though; you came back and accepted this foolish "relationship" I thought I wanted._

_Was I so blind? How come I didn't realise it was you I've wanted all along?_

_It doesn't matter what the hell you're doing with my sister… I don't care. You've made your mistakes. It's time for a fresh start now._

_Jason is looking at me… I'm smiling but not for the reasons he believes._

"_Who you've been with?" he asks, an undecipherable expression plastered on his face._

"_My sister…" I reply, breathing as I'm preparing myself for the right moment to blurt out what I really want to say. All the things I should've said way before. The moment Danny came back into my life._

"_You never told me you had a sister…" he asks, letting that tone of surprise kick in._

_I smile a little and whisper: "She hasn't been my sister in a long time…"._

"_What is wrong with us Rach? You've barely talked with me in three weeks. It's like something happened one day and you won't tell me what the hell is dragging you away from me… you're closing me out." He says, his eyes are finally letting out all the emotions I thought he could never feel. He always seemed so cool in front of everything. I can't help but feel a little sad for him._

_I take his hands into mine and a tear peeks out from my eye. He understands. He frowns._

"_I love you Jason. I love everything about us. You've been great with me and with everything…" I start to say, he looks rather amused at my words. A pathetic amusement though._

"_But it's not enough apparently…" he breathes as he looks in my eyes. This is making everything just more painful. Why love has to be so painful anyway? _

"_It's not what you think. I fooled myself ok? I thought I could actually love you and put everything I felt for Danny beside. I can't do this anymore; I can't fool you or myself anymore. I love Danny and that is the way it will always be…" I reply, a firm glitter in my eyes. One moment of sureness in my life… that doesn't happen very often. It feels good… really good to be sure of something finally._

"_Can't believe I let you do this to me all this time… I was too lost in you to understand that you're just a big fat liar!" he screeches, probably trying to hurt me; the thing he doesn't know is that at this point… nothing he can say is gonna hurt me; not more than I already am._

"_I am… I am and you deserve better; that's nothing new. I'm a liar, Danny's a liar. Guess it was meant to be." I say, shrugging my shoulders a little. Jason looking at me like I'm a crazy person._

"_Listen to yourself!! You can't even argue!! You've lost everything I fell in love with! What have you done?" he says, refusing to believe I'm just giving up on us that easily; without even a tiny little shout. He's secretly hoping that._

"_I've just shown you the real me… the one you've know all this time was just someone I thought I could be. But I'm not. We had a good run together Jason and you'll always be in my heart." I say, hugging him tightly, trying to make him understand the reason I have to leave him behind. He was just en excuse I used to cover the fact that I really love you Danny. I love you madly, greatly, desperately. And I'm afraid yes, I will not deny it. But I'm ready to take chances. I'm finally ready to jump in the great journey we wanted to take. Now is the time._

"_Please don't leave me…" he whispers in my ear, letting himself cry for the first time I've known him._

"_You gotta find someone else Jason… someone who could really make you happy." I reply stroking his cheek, trying not to cry myself. _

"_I don't want somebody else… I want you." He cries, gripping me tightly, as almost he doesn't want me to slip away from him… it's too late. I'm already sliding down towards that endless tunnel called love… true love._

"_I'll come in the morning to pick up my things Jason. I'm sorry…" I say, throwing him one last smile and then, I close the door to all my mistakes. The past is in the past and now my mind is clear… I've got no doubts where to go now._

_There it is… the hotel you're staying in. I have to take just one step… and then another to the thing I want the most in the world… the two of us together… finally; without trouble, without complications… that's it._

_I fiddle with the numbers on my phone… wondering if it's best to call you before._

_Then I hit the little green button and take a deep breath before your voice answers._

"_Hello?"_

"_Danny it's me…"_

"_Oh; Rach… aren't you supposed to be with Jason today?"_

"_Change of plans… can you please come outside the hotel? There's something important I've got to say…"_

"_It's this for yesterday?? Please Rachel it was just a bad day… please don't take it the wrong way."_

"_It's not that… can you just come here?"_

"_Ok…"_

"_Hey… what's the matter?" You ask greeting me just outside the hotel. Your look is quite worried and your hands are stuffed in your pocket._

"_I just wanted to tell you something…" I say, trying not to smile too beamingly. I don't want to give myself away like that._

"_Should I be worrying?" he asks, his tone is the same one Jason used to have when he feared of something bad coming out of my mouth._

"_I don't think so… although I heard you're fooling around with my sister…"I say, unable to trespass that minor detail… which to Danny must think like a big deal because he's suddenly whitened. He's rubbing his neck now… that's no good sign._

"_Crap…" he whispers, his breath increasing a bit. I'm waiting for him to give an explanation… I cannot miss this._

"_I'm not mad…" I say, trying to calm him down a little but by now he's only acting way more anxiously… I must have said something wrong… but what?_

"_Why?? I made it just to get back to you… it's nothing really important." He says, scrutinizing my every single movement. Searching for a sing or a little twitch of disappointment, angry… I don 't know. But he's not finding all that in my eyes._

"_Must suck for her then… she's starting to think about love between you two…" I say, smiling just a little._

"_Why are you telling me this? You have Jason… I'm not saying anything about this adultery relationship between us only because I want to spend just a little bit of your life with you… because I learned that nothing is gonna make me forget you… I love you Rachel. The sad thing is that you don't and I'm still here… waiting for you to wake up one day and realise I'm the man for you… I'll always be. There is no way out from us." He says, he's looking fiercely convinced. Convinced of his love… oh and god Danny… I finally can be with you… only with you… forever and ever._

"_I want to be with you Danny… you and only. That's what I was trying to tell you all along. I dumped Jason because at the end of the day… I want to be with you. I want to feel your hands, your lips, knowing that they are mine and only… I wanna show you around and be proud of telling the world that you're my boyfriend. I wanna forgive you for your mistakes and learn from them. I want us… simply us. Together… nothing else." I say, tears running down my cheeks for the excitement my words are provoking me._

"_Oh…" you simply whisper. Your eyes are wandering free and I can't understand what you're thinking. God… please let it be good thinking._

"_So?" I reply, twisting nervously one of my curls around my finger._

"_I wasn't expecting that." You hiss, I don't know if you're feeling comforted or scared. But by now… I'm the one who's scared. I gave up everything to be with you and know you're acting as if you aren't sure of being with me. What game are you playing Danny?_

"_Yeah…" I whisper back, my fingers are twitching nervously._

"_I really never expected you to say this, you know? I was giving up." You reply, you eyes are still stuck to the ground._

"_There's no reason for giving up now Danny… so what do you say? You and me? Finally together?!"_


	12. Chapter 12

-Chapter Twelve-

_-Chapter Twelve-_

_**-Unexpectedly Fantastic-**_

"_I want to be with you Danny… you and only. That's what I was trying to tell you all along. I dumped Jason because at the end of the day… I want to be with you. I want to feel your hands, your lips, knowing that they are mine and only… I want to show you around and be proud of telling the world that you're my boyfriend. I want to forgive you for your mistakes and learn from them. I want us… simply us. Together… nothing else."_

_BEEP._

_A loud sound wakes me abruptly. I roll in the bed, scared of nothing in particular and fall_

_on the floor with a loud thud._

"_Ouch." I manage to whisper, still tangled up in my blankets._

_I slither on the floor, unable to untangle myself, searching for some kind of grasp to hold on to. How come I ended up being so clumsy?? I can't even get out of bed._

"_What the hell are you doing?!" I hear you chuckle, leaning on the bathroom wall while watching me wriggle on the floor, desperately and a little pathetically._

"_Could you quit the part when you're making fun of me and help me??" I snap, trying once again effortlessly to free myself from that web of blankets._

_You simply shake your head and you kneel on the floor where I'm laying… like a little white worm._

"_You know… you're the only person I know who manages to fall out of bed." You whisper cheekily, pulling off from the shelf that smile which used to melt my very core. That smile could make me do anything. You know that. And you're using it against me. _

"_Yeah… yeah… can you please help me?? I'm not very comfortable here you know?!" I snap, looking pleadingly into your eyes._

_You don't say a word and, with one swift movement, you lift me off the floor, still wrapped in all the blankets._

"_HEY!! What the hell are you doing?! I asked you to untangle me!" I shriek, wriggling into your arms, but your grip is tighter and you place me on the bed; a little mischievous smile on your face._

"_You perfectly know what I want to do…" you hiss, kissing my neck passionately._

"_Wasn't tonight enough for you?!" I ask, giggling as he kiss my tingly spot._

"_Oh… no… tonight was everything I ever wished for. But this is even better… you, here, in the morning, like a real couple." You say, you are now resting on your arm, your eyes wandering in daydreams._

"_Guess what? We are a real couple." I say, scratching your chest with my fingers, but you look deadly serious. You take my hand and you kiss my fingers._

"_I never could have imagined having you back into my life. Rachel…I'll love you forever." _

_I smile awkwardly, unable to whisper something back. Instead I stare at you intensely and hiss: "Promise?"_

"_I'm not gonna desert you this time Rach… this time is better; this time I know for sure how life is without you by my side." You reply, your head resting on the white pillow, your curls spread on it._

_Gosh… I made the right choice. There's no doubt._

_I'm not able to resist you anymore, and now, finally free from the blankets I place myself on top of you and start kissing you passionately._

_You look at me… deeply, intensely, like only you could do and pull your shirt away… skin on skin. _

_I know every breath you take, I know my fingers know you well, I know all the beats in my heart are telling me what to do._

_It's just starting to get interesting when Dougie opens the door abruptly, screaming at our sight on the bed: "GOD!! Locking the door perhaps??"_

_I quickly run my fingers to the blanket on my side and cover us both while you, still holding me in his arms, shout a little irritated by Dougie's sudden show-up: "Knocking perhaps?? What the hell do you want?!"_

_I'm hiding my head on your chest… suppressing the laughs because even if it is an awkward situation… I cannot help but find it amusing. Highly amusing._

"_Sorry to interrupt the sex… but Fletch wants to see us. Rachel you better get home." Dougie says, covering his eyes with his hands but still peeking behind it every now and then._

"_Dougie… it's ok. I'm here to stay. Me and Danny are together. Definitively." I say, smiling radiantly._

_Dougie drops his hand to his side and watches me amazed, my body is now wrapped in the blanket… once again. _

"_Really?" he hisses, watching you amazed._

_You nod and with your hand you place me near you once again… like a proud boyfriend showing everyone the love of his life. And that's me. I cannot help a smirk. I'm smiling way too much. I never smiled like this in a LONG time._

"_Can I get dressed at least?" you finally say, watching Dougie struck dumb where we left him with the unexpected notice._

_Dougie shrugs but, before leaving, he nods at me and whispers: "Good choice."_

_Danny looks at me and we both start laughing hysterically._

_God… this is so… unexpectedly fantastic. _

_Yes… that's what it is. I have you by my side again… everything's gonna be alright now. At least I'm gonna hope so._

_I'm happy… what else could I want?_


End file.
